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Badass Mountain Men
BADASS MOUNTAIN MEN
Rank: Schultz Jerza
Nominated by Jerza

5th Place February 09

It is hard to believe beaver hunting in the back woods could earn glory.  But, in the first half of the ninteenth century the Rocky Mountains remained an uncharted land where the elements were harsh and the grizzly bears and indians prevelent.  These scruffy and gruff frontiers men lived on tobacco, coffee, and pemmican.  They ran through the woods with moccasins, hawken rifles and bowie knifes risking their lives for the beaver hat.  Life wasn't all bad, they always traded for the hottest squas, did whatever they wanted, and ate 100% organic, nonGMO food.  

The stories are thick and deep, from the legend of "Liver Eating" Johnson to the balad of Grizzley Adams. One of my favorite highlights is the tale of Boone Helm, who, in the middle of a five hundred mile trip accross dead-of-winter Montana, was captured by Blackfoot indians, stripped to the waist and bound with leather straps in a teepee.  He managed to chew through his bindings, knocked out the guard with a two finger jab, took the guard's knife, scalped him, cut off his leg, and disappeared into the woods still half naked.  Weeks later he arrived at the cabin of Del Gue, 200 miles away, having survived on only the leg of his former captor. That's about as bad-assed as any story I've ever heard.   

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The Couch Dress
THE COUCH DRESS
Rank: A Very Model of a Modern Major General Ivana B. Awesome
Nominated by Ivana B. Awesome

3rd Place October 08

Wow! The Couch Dress...who wouldn't want to snuggle up to you! Perfect for those evenings you want to stay in and still look your best! Any self respecting woman would crochet this for herself...but if your short for time.....check out http://www.pantalaine.com for this and many other Awesome products.

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Blooming Onion


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Spiderman tattoo


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The Couch Dress was voted LESS AWESOME than:

Candy Cigarettes


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yngwie malmsteen


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Twinkies


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The Hamburger Bed


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Flying Spaghetti Monster


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Beer Maids


WAKE n' BACON


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Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator


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Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton


Captain James T. Kirk


Banksy


Peekaru


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Death Star


Literal Video Versions


Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee


Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka


Hunter S. Thompson


MST3K


Pizzazz


Extent of the Universe


Emperor Norton


Jesus Riding A Dinosaur


Walking on the Moon


Les Claypool


Captain EO


it's gonna be hot.


Gunther

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Rank: Schultz Jerza
Jerza commented ( about Badass Mountain Men ) on 2/6/2009
don't forget about killing your captor, escaping naked into the Montana Winter and living of the meat of your captors leg which your had previously sawn off, in a bear cave. Now that is awesome. reply high five

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boldfont replied to Jerza on 2/27/2009
I concur. Canoes and beaver pelts are way more awesome than over-hyped Star Craft tournaments. These guys caught salmon with their bare hands and spat the lead out of the venison they killed. Awesome! reply high five

Anonymous commented ( about The Couch Dress ) on 10/12/2008
Can I get that in purple?? reply high five


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